Continuity and Change

I don't hate change.

Some of my friends and family may be raising an eyebrow at this point, but I'm actually just fine with change.

What I hate is loss.

I've moved several times in my life and something is always lost. Some place, some ritual, some little activity that doesn't really mean anything except that it's small and enjoyable and familiar.

Today, I drove to Redlands, a route that goes through the San Bernardino National Forest and reminds me that much of Southern California, despite smog and overcrowding, is rugged and dramatic and beautiful, and I went to Trader Joe's. I hadn't been to Trader Joe's in a month. I almost started bawling in front of the damn cheese section, because it was the first decent cheese I had seen in a month. OK, that's pathetic. (I bought a wedge of Saint Andre.)

Then I went to the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf... and had a vanilla Ice Blended. It was the first vanilla Ice Blended I'd had since 1999. Deja vu hit me like a Santa Ana wind. Wait, I didn't hate everything about Southern California when I was living in LA. I used to drive up to Point Mugu and hike and I used to get vanilla Ice Blendeds... and it's a small thing, but it's a loss redeemed.

Then I went to Cost Plus, which is a new obsession of mine and a store I can't get out of without spending a lot of money ever. So it's a new place for me but I got a bottle of Chaucer's Mead. And that goes back to college for me, back to Renaissance Faire and Shakespeare-reading parties at my house, back to old friends who have been lost in a way not as easily rediscovered as a thing that can be bought.

Also I went into Barnes & Noble. B&Ns all smell the same, and take me back to the various ones I've worked in, both in LA and just recently in San Jose, and for some reason the good things, the people and the books, come back, not the frustration and exhaustion and poverty.

Now I'm going to watch the replays from Santa Anita. Which, before the past couple of weeks, I also hadn't done since 1999.

I don't mean this whole post to be about retail stores and places I spent money, although I had a lot of fun spending it. I mean it to be about tradition. About adding new things, but not losing the old and beloved and traditional. Never loss.